Little Sponges, Lasting Voices: The Holy Responsibility of Shaping a Child's Inner Voice

It was a little past 9:30 pm — probably too late for my 3-year-old son to be awake, but a precious hour for our family. We were all snuggled together in bed, eyes heavy, when I heard a tiny little voice whisper, “En paz me acostaré…”

It was the beginning of the prayer we’ve prayed with Theo since he was a baby — the same prayer my husband’s mom prayed with him before bed as a child. Little did we know, our nightly prayer was making a permanent mark on our toddler’s sweet mind. Tears welled in my eyes as I heard him continue,

“y asimismo dormiré;

Porque solo tú, Jehová,

me haces vivir confiado.

Amen.”

We clapped, cheered, and tickled him. He’s not fluent in Spanish (yet), but he recited the prayer so beautifully. It’s almost as though he absorbed it.

If you’re a parent, you probably know what I’m talking about. The spongelike quality of young kids can be jarring — sometimes it produces joy in us, sometimes regret. They absorb everything, from the prayers we say aloud to the less desirable expressions that sometimes slip out of our mouths.

Research has shown that the way parents speak significantly informs the way a child’s inner voice develops. The child of a parent who is critical is likely to develop a self-critical inner voice, while the child of a parent who shows grace is likely to show themselves the same. The child of a parent who consistently criticizes his or her own body is more likely to develop body image issues, while the child of a parent who practices body neutrality is likely to see themselves in a more neutral light.

What a beautiful and substantial responsibility we have as parents to inform the way that our children relate to themselves into adulthood. This can feel especially heavy for parents whose own internal voices have been shaped by the pain and trauma of their upbringings.

So many parents are in the business of cycle-breaking to give their families better that what they had. It’s a holy effort — one that requires honest self-exploration healing. The initial formation of our children’s mental health at such a young age is an intentional design. God knew what He was doing when He made these little sponges, and He knew what it would require for us to steward our influence over them well.

“For it was you who created my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.I will praise you because I have been remarkably and wondrously made.Your works are wondrous, and I know this very well.My bones were not hidden from you when I was made in secret, when I was formed in the depths of the earth.Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in your book and planned before a single one of them began.”

— Psalm 139:13-16

Understanding how the Lord sees His children can help us understand how to invest well in the formation of their inner voices. Throughout Scripture, we see Him defend the weak fiercely while meeting them with gentleness.

“The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in faithful love.He will not always accuse us or be angry forever.He has not dealt with us as our sins deserve or repaid us according to our iniquities.For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his faithful love toward those who fear him.As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him.For he knows what we are made of, remembering that we are dust.”

— Psalm 103:8-14

Hope is not lost for parents whose inner voices don’t reflect the love and care of Christ. The fruits that the Spirit produces are more than enough. We can consider whether our thoughts, words, and actions toward our children produce the fruits outlined in Galatians 5:22-23: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Our natural inclination may not be toward patience when our toddlers want to paint the counter with milk — but we are capable of choosing patience when we know something is developmentally appropriate. Is it going to be a pain to clean up? Yes. Is it the way God designed a toddler to behave and learn to be creative? Also yes. Which of those realities am I going to choose to focus on? Which one do I want my child to internalize?

These are the everyday decisions that our children absorb — the ones that become a part of who they are.

We will never be perfect parents, but we choose to follow a God who is one. I praise Him for the fact that He has mercy on us every day. There is much learning and growing to do, and it’s a road we don’t have to walk on our own.